In my mid thirties and now just daydreaming about random men I come across

I'm plain and no one really found me interesting enough to get to know me when I was younger. And it didn't really bother me, I was busy struggling and trying to survive.

Sure I'd get bouts of envy and sadness when I see couples but those were passing thoughts. At the forefront of my mind was to make sure I didn't rely on anyone and that I won't end up homeless.

I'm 35 now, and while I'm still living paycheck to paycheck I feel like my life has slowed down a bit and that the loneliness is now hitting me full force.

It doesn't help that I'm asexual and an unattractive and anxiety-ridden one at that.

In my loneliness I find myself thinking of possibilities with really random men - they don't have any similar particular physical features but if they look close to my age and look like they're really working hard and conscientiously at their job, I tend to imagine being their wife.

Like a random window washer who was really working hard or a guy doing deliveries with a smile on his face. Some guy who was respectfully handing out flyers and even helped a granny cross the street. A very kind cab driver who had a nice music selection. A guy working at a shop who was very helpful in finding a particular product for me. A guy stacking products in the supermarket and was politely helping people find stuff or hand stuff out.

I tend to think "I'd love to be that person's wife. I could go from just cooking survival meals to wanting to make meals he'd like. Make sure he has pressed clothes in the morning. Prep his lunch. Be affectionate with him when he's home tired." All in a span of five minutes of seeing them.

I know I sound like a creep but it's what I've been feeling in recent years. I'm pathetic for imagining a life with random people and having idealistic thoughts in my head when I'm actually too scared to even talk to someone.

I'd probably just daydream my life away. And wither.