Adult friendship frustrations

I’m 35F and find myself really struggling to find a sense of community in being CF. My friends are either:

Parents Planning to be parents Centering everything they do around the other friends’ kids

I’m CF for many reasons, including that I don’t want to be around kids all the time, nor do I want to HEAR about them all. the. time. I accept and understand that my friendship is going to become a lower priority for someone who chooses to have children. But I resent that when we DO spend time together, it’s all about their kids. When we’re together, the subject never changes from their kids. That’s assuming they even show up.

“Can the kids come?” “We have to leave early because of the kids.” “We won’t be able to make it because we can’t find a babysitter and/or the kids are sick and/or the kids made me sick.”

Being cancelled on so many times (sometimes for legit reasons, sometimes not) is wearing me thin. Feeling how little my friendship matters to them in their new lives (unless it revolves around their kids, of course) deeply hurts me.

I realize it’s not personal. I realize this is a phase of life and I need to start making choices to help myself find and build that community. But the interim hurt and disappointment is a struggle to grapple with.