I’m freaking out over a girl stuck in a bad family situation in India—need help

I’m a 22-year-old guy, SC, from Gujarat, and I’m completely torn up over this girl I met during Navratri 2025. I’ve been desperate for connection since my breakup in September 2023—two years with no girls to talk to, just feeling empty. I had two exes before, but I ghosted them when I got bored, didn’t care about their feelings at all. This time, it’s different. This girl, let’s call her R, has me messed up in a way I’ve never felt before.

It started on the third night of Navratri. R came to our society’s garba as a guest of some friend. She’s 18, Marwadi Brahman, and we kept locking eyes that night. I could feel something there. The next night, fourth night, she started dancing right next to me, like she was sending a signal. So I went for it—asked her name, what she does, where she lives, normal stuff. I gave her my number on a piece of paper, hoping she’d reach out. Let’s just say I’m calling her R to keep it private. That day, I found out she’s from a super strict family. No call or text came the next day, and I was bummed, checking my phone like crazy.

Fifth night, we met again at garba. We danced, then sat on the ground and talked. She asked my caste first. I told her I’m SC, and asked if it matters. She said, “If we love each other, nothing matters to me.” That hit me hard. She opened up a bit—her family won’t let her study after finishing 12th this year. She’s stuck doing household chores all day, no phone, no Instagram, no friends, just watches TV, plays with dogs, and hangs with a neighbor’s kid. Her sister’s 26, has a 2-year-old, and her brother, maybe 24 or 25, she called a “total failure.” She didn’t ask much about me, just knew I finished college, and when I pushed for her address, she just pointed “that way.” I was confused, like, what does she want? No number, no address, nothing solid.

Sixth night, after garba ended, she told me to pick her up near her place at 2:30 AM to talk. I was nervous but went for it. I picked her up, and we drove to a mall basement to chill, but security kicked us out in like 10 minutes. So we found this quiet spot where hardly anyone goes. That’s when she let it all out. She had a 5-year relationship with her brother’s friend before, and when her family found out, her dad and brother beat her so bad she ended up in the hospital. They even called her ex during the beating, and he didn’t say a word to defend her—she hates him for that. Her family’s big on aata-sata, that marriage exchange thing, and she’s terrified of being forced into it. I straight-up asked her what she wants from me—friendship, hookup, long-term? She said long-term. I got caught up in the moment and said yeah, I’d marry her, keep her happy with trips, gifts, whatever she wants. She asked if I’d be with her forever, and I said yes.

We kissed on the cheeks, then she wanted a tight hug. We held each other for like 20-25 minutes, talking, laughing, even kissed some more. It felt real, like nothing I’ve ever felt—not with my exes, not ever. She said she felt so comfortable with me. Riding back, with the cold wind hitting us, we talked like we never wanted the night to end. It was the best moment of my life, no cap. I asked how we’d keep meeting if her family’s so strict. She said we’d meet “as God plans,” maybe the next day, and that she only goes out sometimes to buy vegetables. Her only entertainment is TV, dogs, and that neighbor’s kid.

It was 4:10 AM when we got near her place. I asked if her house was inside or outside her society, and she said, “Let me take you.” She led me there, but when I dropped her off, her brother was on the terrace and shouted “hey hey.” I got scared, thinking about her past beating, and I ran back to my bike and went home. I know it wasn’t brave, but I was freaked out.

Since then, R hasn’t come back to our society’s garba. I’m scared her brother beat her again—she’s completely cut off, no phone, no way to reach her. Her family’s saying her phone’s “being repaired” for months, which sounds like bullshit. I gave her my number, but I don’t have hers, and I’m just stuck. I keep thinking about her all day, every day. I’m terrified she’s hurt, or that she hates me for running, like her ex who didn’t stand up for her. I’m unemployed, got a BTech(tier 1) but no job as preparing for Govt exam, and her family’s violence and caste gap make me feel helpless. But I can’t let her go—she deserves better, and I want to be better for her. I’ve never cared this much before, and it’s killing me not knowing if she’s okay or if she still loves me.

What I’m freaking out about: Her family’s violent—bad enough to put her in the hospital. She’s locked up, can’t study, might get forced into aata-sata. I want to see her, help her, maybe build something real, but I’m scared of making it worse.

Questions:

How do I make sure she’s okay without going to her place and getting into a fight?

How do we deal with the caste thing (SC vs. Marwadi Brahman) if we want to be together? Her family’s super traditional and mine is super progressive.

Anyone been through this—violent families, caste issues? How’d you handle it?

I don’t want to play hero, but I can’t just ditch her. She deserves way better, and I want to be better for her. Any advice—legal, practical, or just how to deal—would mean a lot. Thanks.