frustrating.

hey there.

so i started having seizures about 3 months ago. went to the hospital the first couple times, did EEGs and MRIs, they couldn't find anything. they calmed down, didn't have one for like a month. but now they're back, more frequently and violent then ever. i soiled myself for the first time during one last night, fell while getting up from the toilet, bit my tongue pretty fucking hard at one point, my body was blocking the door so my partner struggled to get in but eventually did. they called 911, EMTs arrived.

the thing im struggling with is, my postictal states are getting worse. i dont remember shit about my seizures for up to 2 hours afterwards now, and struggle to answer questions correctly. one time, on the side of the street when i had one, EMTs had arrived and were asking me things like if i knew where i was. to which i responded "i was born in North Carolina", which a). is not true, and b). not at all what they asked me (for the record, i don't remember this, my partner was there and told me afterwards). they also asked how old i was, and i said 19 (im 23). and last night, i gaslit the fuck out of the EMTs and told them i didn't have a seizure (again, don't remember this). I've told my partner they can let the EMTs know that when im conscious and aware, ive said to take me to the hospital. cause every time after a seizure, i refuse to go. but last night, the EMTs said they couldn't take me because i didnt want to go. reaaaallly wish i had.

anyways, idk what the point of this post was. i just needed to rant about shit i guess lol. we have no idea whats causing them. possibly PNES. not sure.