Broken leg surgery at 8 months pregnant, then 3c tear at birth - 3 months PP and struggling

Please note: I’m not looking for specific medical advice but reassurance from anyone who has gone through a similar trauma and/or tear.

This is quite a long post, but I’m 3 months postpartum and honestly struggling with how much has happened in such a short space of time.

On my 37th birthday, whilst 8 months pregnant, I slipped on the stairs at home and broke both my tibia and fibula. I had surgery under spinal anaesthetic (fully conscious) and spent 10 nights in hospital. I came out with a rod in my shin, PTSD, and a fear of going back to my flat which has four flights of stairs.

When I eventually went home, I spent weeks housebound in the heat, with insomnia due to pain, crying all the time and thinking: how am I going to give birth and look after a newborn like this?

Six weeks post leg surgery I went into labour which lasted 49 hours. For most of it, the midwives at King’s College university of London, were amazing and gave me a positive experience despite everything. My waters broke on a Friday and after 24 hours I was still stuck at 1cm, so I had an epidural and was induced. Less than 24 hours later I was ready to push.

We had meditation music, dim lights, and a pushing technique going with my midwife. I had pushed 5cm out of 10cm. My baby’s heart rate went up once but came back down, so we were cleared to keep pushing. When it went up again a second time, an Iranian consultant (just my luck as I’m also Iranian) barged in, took over, and was unprofessional and dismissive. She turned the lights on, lowered my bed so I could barely hold myself up, pushed my midwives out the way, shoved her fingers in me, and shouted that I needed to push. She basically ignored me, my husband, and my midwives. She even told me in Farsi that she would have to cut me because “Iranian women have shorter perineums.” Even if there was evidence for that, to say it to me in my own language, as well as many other things she said, was inappropriate and in my view manipulative. My husband pointed out that the baby’s heart rate had come back down again, but she ignored him.

By this point I had pushed 7cm out of 10cm, but it seemed she had already decided what she was going to do. She made us panic by saying I had been pushing too long, an hour and 15 minutes. As a c-section wasn’t considered an option because of my leg, she told us she had to get him out immediately. She chose forceps, even though my midwives argued for ventouse, which is King’s policy. She ignored them. I was panicked and terrified and didn’t know what to do. She pulled him out with forceps, and I was rushed away to theatre with a complex 3c tear to repair, barely getting time with my son.

My midwife made a report against her straight away, and another midwife was so upset she walked out of the room. We’ve been meaning to put in a formal complaint, but we’ve been waiting for my birth review which, at 13 weeks, we still haven’t had an appointment for. They have referred me to trauma psychotherapy, but I’m six sessions in and not finding it super helpful.

I’ve tried to come to terms with everything, but like the split second when I fell down the stairs, I keep revisiting my birth. I think back to my midwife trying to save me and think: why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I use my voice? Why didn’t we book that doula? Why didn’t my husband speak up more?

At my tear review two weeks ago, they told me that due to muscle weakness, I would only be recommended a c-section for any future babies. At first, I thought the heaviness, dragging, and bladder urgency were just part of recovery. But after the review, when I read the word “prolapse” in their questionnaire, I realised I had one. No one had diagnosed or explained this to me, and discovering it on my own has left me retraumatised all over again.

For us, and for the midwives, it wasn’t an emergency. We feel all of this could have been avoided. That’s what I’m struggling with. If it had truly been necessary, I could mentally come to terms with it. But knowing that the consultant didn’t consult us, ignored my midwives, and essentially bullied us makes it feel impossible to get over.

I just want to know if anyone has gone through anything similar and how recovery has been. Can the tear get better with specialist physio? Will the prolapse improve? How is intimacy? How have other people overcome birth trauma, especially when it involves negligence, bullying, or unnecessary intervention? I’m already in trauma psychotherapy but not finding it very effective so far, so hearing from people who’ve actually lived through this would mean a lot.

I feel very isolated in my experience, so any guidance would be appreciated.