Hola tuuu...

🎶She said, hello Mr, pleased to meet ya🎶✈️

I wish I never did meet you. And i don't think I can say that about anyone else that has passed through my life.

I seriously regret ever having met you. Noone ever hurt me like you did, because I never believed in anyone like I did in you. And I know you believe I never trusted you, I was always insecure and questioning. And that's probably true, but i trusted you enough to risk it. I put my heart in your hands and you dropped it, let it shatter to pieces. Pieces I don't know if I will ever be capable of glueing together again.

You made me doubt myself for months, years. Telling me it was all in my head. Blamed my insecurities, my traumas. Lashed out on me for making "random allegations". Exploded whenever I dared to share feelings of jealousy or doubt. 

Jealousy over the relationship you kept with that girl you dated for a short while and still kept around years later. How dared I feel insecure about your "friendship" with the girl you were sending videos from our romantic concert to? 

Even after the first time I caught you lying about seeing her I still believed you. When you swore it would never happen again, promised you would always tell me. When you said it was "just lunch". She was "just a friend". And you kept gaslighting me about my doubts. 
You. The man with principles and morals, so proud over how your father raised you. How dared I even imply that you would do something like that?

Then I caught you again. This time with proof and receipts. 
Songs. Video calls. Secret dates after work. Pictures at the beach. Your words to her were the same you said to me. Even the selfies were reused. You missed her? Well she can have you. And I know you are taking the trip that was meant for us, with her. I just know it. Like I knew deep down all the time. Like my intuition was telling me the whole time. (I hope you both enjoy the k i got for us.)

Actually, you know what, maybe I don't regret meeting you. Because I did learn something. To trust more. Not less. In my gut feeling. 

And you can walk around and tell yourself and your friends what you want, you avoidant mf. But I see through you now. The pattern in your old relationships, all the younger girls. Why it never worked out with anyone. Why you never wanted to talk about anything emotionally vulnerable. Why you could never meet me fully in my feelings. You are not a man, you are a boy afraid of what you crave most. Intimacy. So scared that even making out was too uncomfortable for you. I feel sorry for you because you will keep running and filling the void with distractions. With gaming, festivals and drugs, exes you won't let go of.

You saw what we could be together, and it scared you. I saw what we could be and I hoped. But you will never realise, unless you get help. I do wish you the best, and if a love like ours ever finds you again, that you hold it harder than you did me. 

I should have known. Already when you said you were 183, and then your passport said 179. 😅

You are a liar, because you are too weak for truth. You lie because you are so afraid of not being good enough. You lie to avoid. But it will catch up to you one day. The music will fade and the parties will end. And Karma will hunt you down.
You said I was the love of your life. More like the loss. 

Today is exactly 1 month of no contact and these will be my last paragraphs ever written to you, even if you never read them, I'm writing them for me now. 

Bye, M 🍑