Idk what's happening in my life

So I am from nagpur but I live in Pune because of clg, I'm in first year and I live in a hostel, I'm prepping for neet while being in an engineering clg because I didn't pass the cutoff for govt clg and I'm 20. I just feel depressed talking to my parents like my roomate talks to his parents for hours and I get bored in like 2 minutes of talking to them and I just don't feel like talking to them, I don't like asking them for money, I don't feel excited talking to them.

And it's not only with parents it's like with everyone I wake up at 5 and I study for 1.30 hours and I take a shower and sit in a bus to leave for clg and the moment I sit on the bus I immediately put on my earbuds and I just put the music on, I don't wanna talk to anybody in the bus or in the class or anyone for that matter, I just feel empty all the time, the only time I feel excited while taking to someone is my bsf but she lives in nagpur and she has taken admission in a govt medical clg so now she will be busy all the time and I won't be able to express myself to anyone, but I can't blame it on her because she has her own life and I can't anchor her and keep her to myself all my life, I know I need to grow up and change my life but I just can't.

Thanks for reading 😊