Inspired by a recent post, saying that after 10 years, their mother knows nothing about them, I felt compelled to write out the same for me. I don't know the exact month I went NC with BPDmom for good as my childhood/teenage memories are mostly a blur or "unavailable" to me entirely, but it must be around 10.5 years now. And I went NC with (formerly enabling) dad a few days ago, which still hurts like hell.

Nevertheless, here's to everything my BPDmom *doesn't* get to know about her daughter

* I'm an accountant now and even got an accounting degree (last thing she knew was me finishing my language "basic" degree).
* I have so many hobbies. Crochet, knitting, cooking, baking, cosplay, houseplants, painting, etc. I've discovered my love for everything creative in the past few years.
* I have a wonderful partner, who I'm also going to get married to. He's kind, supportive, smart, funny, incredibly empathetic and reflected, and so so loving.
* Thanks to my partner, I have the most loving bonus family I could ever wish for, including a 3-year-old niece that we can both spoil endlessly.
* I'm still super close with my granny (her mother who is also NC with her).
* I have several "bonus dogs" that I get to dogsit for friends regularly.
* I ran several half-marathons.
* I'm vegan and help at our local shelter.
* I learned how to take care of myself mentally, emotionally, physically and manage work/household too. And I do those things out of self-love, no longer out of trauma-based flight or perfectionism.
* Have been and still am in therapy for several years.
* I published and sold multiple copies of my very own crochet pattern.
* I have a lot of plant-themed tattoos.
* I quit smoking and don't drink alcohol anymore.

So many things happened in ten years, with each one I'm discovering more of the person that I am. No more forcing myself into unachievable standards to make someone happy who is so deeply bitter.  Turns out I actually quite like that person in the mirror, if my standard is just about being *me*.

While I am still heartbroken about the loss of my dad, I try to see this as an opportunity to find out what the next ten years will bring, with both of my abusers gone from my life. To find out who I truly am under all those layers of having to perform to meet ever-changing expectations of being the "perfect daughter".

PS: Not new here, but I just had to add a picture of the very sweet cat that has recently decided to adopt my partner.

10 Years NC and a few days NC...