how am i supposed to do this when i’m losing my best friend?

tw: pet loss

I’m losing my soul cat on Monday. He’s been sick for a long time with numerous chronic health issues, and it’s time. It’s the right thing to do and I love him too much to let him be sick all the time. I’m so thankful to God for having blessed me with the 8 years I had with him (I adopted him when he was 3.5). But this hurts so much and it feels…sick to even think about continuing on like normal. How am I supposed to sit down to eat something when he’s not with me? Why would I bother when he no longer gets to eat food? It feels like a betrayal. How am I supposed to be bothered to shower or to drink water? I don’t even want to sleep until Monday because I don’t want to miss a single second with him. He has saved my life when I wanted to take it. Looking at him kept me here. I’ve never felt a connection to a cat the way I do with him. I know I was meant to give him the best life I could, and I did, but I feel so shattered and like I didn’t do enough.

I feel so immensely guilty for even thinking about how I’m going to function without him. But I know I have to because I have another sweet angel kitty who is relying on me to help him get through this, too.

I guess I’m just looking for words of encouragement or things that helped you through pet grief. I am very strong in my faith and know that will help me, but I worry it won’t be enough to make things easier over time. What helped you? How did you get through the days without just lying listless or sleeping the entire day away as not to feel the pain? How did you make yourself eat or drink anything, anything at all? I feel so ashamed to do so because he won’t be able to.