Utterly confused and constantly heart broken

I just turned 54, my dating life is awful, and I think it's my fault. I think my insecurity makes me way too clingy.

Let me give you some history:

My marriage ended very badly over 20 years ago. He cheated on me with men and women and inflicted tons of psychological abuse. A few years after the divorce I slowly pulled myself back together. Came through the severe depression, and lost all the weight I and gained in the last few years of our marriage. All the while raising my son on my own.

Then a few years ago, when my son left for college, I got on the apps. I was sick of being alone, and felt ready for a relationship.

I've had no luck. I live in a wierd place for me. I differ from most men in my area politically and religiously. A lot of men have completely write me off when they find out I have different beliefs. With the men I have dated it's been a common pattern: one official date, sex a few times, then ghosted. It hurts everytime.

So, because of how my marriage ended, and my recent dating history, even though I come across as a strong confident woman, when it comes to men, I'm as insecure as it gets.

So I met a guy on the apps about a month ago and I'm so confused. We've gone out 4 times (1st two times he asked me out, last two I asked him out) and its been fun. Our conversation is easy, and I think he's had fun too. But we haven't even made out yet. We have a lot in common socially, but he is 9 years younger than me.

One of the things that makes me nervous is that he rarely texts in general, and the past week I was the one that initiated all text conversations, but he always texts me back. To be clear, I did not text him everyday, or constantly, but just being the one to initiate it made me feel like I was being pushy.

He has his son every other week, so haven't seen him in 8 days. I understand that he is focusing that time on his son, and completely agree with that decision (and makes me like him more), but the lack of texting during that time feeds into my insecurity.

Here's my problem, the lack of texting is exactly what started the ghosting with the others guys, so I feel that I'm being ghosted again.

He is coming over tonight. He first said he was too tired. Then I said "I really would love to see you" so he changed his mind and said he'd be here at 7. But, I felt like I was being pushy saying that, too.

If he does come over tonight, should I tell him that I like him, and I just need reassurance because of my relationship history?

Or will that scare him off?

Should I admit that I feel like I'm getting mixed signals and I want him to be honest?

If he does like me, I'm afraid these questions, or me continuing to initiate all texting and meeting up, may soon turn him off.

I cannot figure out where he stands and it's driving me crazy.