PERSONAL EXPERIENCE: Not advocating. Took Modafinil again.

Today I took Modafinil for the second time. Most of my issues with depression have been from lethargy and general lack of energy. Today I actually wanted to take care of myself. It’s the most productive I’ve ever been…did a deep clean, had a spa day, was more productive at work. I felt a bit emotional today because I was thinking, maybe this is what I would’ve been like if I were born without all this bs depression that runs in my family.

I felt more social. I have social anxiety on top of depression but my mouth couldn’t stop running with all the things I usually keep inside when I was around people. I felt engaged with them, they were engaged with me. It’s such a small thing but it’s been months since I’ve had a social interaction where I wasn’t overly conscious or felt like I was ruining the interaction with my low energy and general apathy. My memory was actually working today. I usually have huge bouts of brain fog or general memory loss due to trauma/abuse as per usual. It allowed me to sit with myself and actually process the things that my brain tries to block.

Just felt like I had to share. Feel extremely grateful for treatments, medical science…I’m 20F now and still young but I wish younger me understood my patterns better and that options ARE available when it comes to supplements. Right now the supplement is wearing off but I still feel a difference. It’s that I was given a chance to feel normal again…And I feel like that knowledge is what helps the most. Remembering that I’m not broken for life, and that I just need a little help sometimes.