what do i do i feel really fucking bad

16 i have no school autism but i do go to a dag besteding (dutch word dont know english name) and since last wensday or the day before that i have been really feeling up and down and im feeling really fucking bad the worst so far like tbh i dont even know what the point of life is rn like i dont want to actually commit but i also dont get the point of it rn

and i feel like a cancer and my mom is calling the one that goes about medication on monday but i swear to god if she says change meds i will really start fucking hating that slut

im on my 3rd medication in 5 years and everytime it starts good and then falls of a fucking cliff and im at the max dosage thats allowed

i went from

Aripiprazol>sertraline/zoloft and now citalopram and each one i had the max dossage and siting slightly lower also wouldnt help

and each time they said this one should work better

i really dont know what to do rn