Am I a Terrible Sister for Not Wanting to Keep Sending Her Money?

Growing up, my family was really poor. My older sister worked a lot as a teenager because she wanted new clothes, her hair done, and just to keep up with herself. Since she was working, she often bought me school clothes and even did my hair. I never asked for much because I didn’t realize I was autistic. I was fine wearing the same pair of pants and the same jacket every day, but she helped me get those extra things I didn’t have.

When I left for college a few years ago, I had no help. The year before, my mom had made us homeless, so I was completely on my own. My sister and my mom never really got along, but while I was in my freshman year of college, my sister randomly sent me $500. That money changed everything. I was able to buy groceries and thrift some winter clothes. Honestly, that $500 basically got me through my entire first year of college.

It’s been about three years since then, and now my sister constantly asks me for money. Last year, I started pulling back from her a little because whenever she called, it was only about money. She would say things like, “I don’t know how I’ll make rent,” or “my son really wants this food,” or “I wish I had something to eat.” The thing is, I’m still in college myself. I don’t have a job anymore because I’m a full-time student with an unpaid internship. All I have is what’s left of my savings from when I worked last year.

She’ll ask for $10 here, $20 there, $15 another time. Just in the past two weeks, I’ve sent her money three times. It’s hard to say no when she brings up my nephew and niece, or when she tells me she can’t afford dinner or rent. But deep down, I’ve started to realize she’s probably not using the money the way she says she is.

I feel selfish for even thinking this way, because she really did help me growing up. Part of me feels like I owe her. But I only have about $1,200 left, and that has to last me until the end of the school year. My rent is paid, but outside of that, I survive off food pantries, only buy secondhand clothes if I absolutely need them, and barely spend anything. I’m extremely frugal.

Now, I don’t even like picking up the phone when she calls because I know it’s going to cost me money. I don’t want to resent her, but I’m scared I’ll run out and won’t be able to take care of myself. What do I do? How do I set boundaries without feeling like the worst person in the world?