Remembering

Venting, im healing and i didn’t know there were repressed memories. If the Lord is willing i hope He guides me and lets me remember it all soon:

I always remembered my dad would pick me up randomly and bring me to his bed when I was a little girl.

I always remembered coming to realization and hearing my dad crying once while we were on his bed.

I always remembered my dad kept saying I reminded him of my mother.

I'm starting to remember confusion and it was dark.

I'm starting to remember something bad happened on his bed. Something yucky.

I'm starting to remember I would be itchy and burn sometimes down there. I thought it was puberty or because of something else (I discovered masterbation at a very early age).

I'm starting to remember my abdomen would hurt, like my tummy. But idk why. And as i remember i start to get these sensations in my abdomen/my tummy and just feel this heavy gloom.

Each time i realize someone hurt me—my dad hurt me—something in me (now) is just relieved. Like i was stuck in fight or flight and now i can just calm down after realizing someone hurt me—my dad hurt me.