How can I know If I’m really trans or I’m just faking it?

Hello! For context I’m a 19yo trans guy living in Europe. I started my transition (hrt) at 15, I was very secure with my choice and identity and pretty happy about everything, I had good passing except I felt I couldn’t be as creative and femenine as I wanted, so at 18 I stopped hrt and kinda “detransitioned” (I just got more fem and people just assumed I was a girl, so I stopped correcting anyone) I wasn’t totally uncomfortable with my body/image but everything felt too performative.

Now I’m starting to feel sort of dysphoria again, I feel sort of “jealousy” when I see other guys sometimes wishing I could be like them, have a body like theirs. At the same time I still enjoy femininity, fashion and creativity a lot (I know those things aren’t unconvatible with being a man, they just make me feel I’m faking it and it would be easier to enjoy those I stayed fem) It’s kinda wierd because I only see myself being a good looking dude, I’m too scared to transition and turn out ugly (I know this is childish and frivolous but really worries me). Everyday I feel like I’m not being my true self and I’m telling too many lies to others presenting as a girl, I didn’t felt like this is when I was younger and passing, but I keep telling to myself I’m I'm self-suggesting for thinking that.

Somehow I feel I’m faking everything and that transitioning is a mistake for me, but I also feel I’m just in denial about it because I’m scared of it, I also feel I’m loosing my time not transitioning and maybe it’s to late for me to have the results I want. Anyways I think about transition and getting hrt again everyday.

I’m kinda lost and overwhelmed with all this situation and maybe some of you had similar feelings at the begging of transitioning. There’s really a way to find out if Im trurly trans or just faking it?

Thanks for reading :)