my friends sometimes accidentally make me feel shitty about myself

Background info: We are all 14F

Message to her: Oh my god you guys honestly make me feel shitty about myself sometimes and I don’t think you’d be open to listen as much as I did to your problems in the first place simply because you wouldn’t understand. It’s honestly humiliating and embarrassing for me to sit there while you tell me and others things nobody believes. When we go onto Omegle and i’m sitting beside you, I’m not dumb. I know how I look, and I know how you look, and I know what you think you look too. When I talk to strangers, I’m not a desperate bop looking for male validation, you are. It’s so awkward too, when I find interesting people and you tell me to skip despite the conversation, just based on their looks and when you tell me to stay so I let you speak but you don’t. It’s because you’re not interesting, you have nothing of value to say and i’m not going to use my conversational skill to bag somebody for you that you want.

When we were on OmeTV (I’ll just call it Omegle) and people would always compliment her on your looks and she’d make SUCH a big deal on whether it was about her or me. They’re not blind you know. It’s obviously going to be about you, there’s no NEED to point then gesture at me saying “You think she’s pretty?” just for them to say “No the other one.” Because she knows she’s pretty too, and yet even when they say “The one further behind” she says “But we’re together,” as if she’s not willing to believe she’s the prettier one out of us two and I need to say “I was clearly ahead before, obviously they’re talking about you.” I think she gets an ego boost from this, intentional or not, but I don’t understand why it’s so hard for her to accept compliments.

That’s not even the main point either. I can endure small things like that even if they make me a bit upset because it could be unintentional, but something she kept doing today was whenever somebody asked for her snapchat, she would point at me and say “do you want hers?” That genuinely made me feel so embarrassed and humiliated because the boys asking her wouldn’t even ask for mine in the first place, so no shit they’d have to decline HER invitation about ME which would quite literally lead me to getting rejected whether I liked it or not. Thats EMBARRASSING, considering I would’ve never even asked for their snaps in the first place because I know how I look and they’re also strangers. Eventually, since she kept doing it, I skipped them the second she asked, which was like 5 times and she got upset and said “it was funny”. I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but she definitely never felt bad about it. She would display their snaps like a trophy to everyone, she typed in our group chat “acquired two snaps bro”.

On somedays, i’m pretty insecure and it’s okay on other days, and I try not to dawdle on my appearance for far too long because I know a lot of people (SUCH AS HER) are going through worse mental struggles so I shouldn’t let these psychological issues dictate my wellbeing for too long. However, in instances like these where my prettier friends who are going through worse things make me feel terrible, I don’t know what to do. (Omegle girls ex boyfriend put her into therapy and made her suicidal, shes hung up on a guy and doesn’t like her shoulders but also has a roster of like 5 guys and I had to be there to comfort her) In another situation, I was with her and another girl, let’s call her Daisy, told us she struggled with self harm and a bit of an ED and also had guy problems but she’s honestly really pretty and fit too. I used to think I had it bad because I was ugly, but once I heard the stories behind these pretty girls it made me grateful i’m down to earth and have never done these things before. But it also did make me a bit insecure when I hung out with them, because they were both ranting to each other about being insecure of their bodies and face in an echo chamber type of manner (they’re both skinny asian girls) saying things like “My arms are too thick for this” and “I would never wear tube tops” followed by the response of “You’re body is so tea” and basically dismissing them and telling them they had nothing to worry about, which is true. I was too scared to even talk about ANY of my insecurities to them because I just know they would also dismiss them but they wouldn’t be honest when they responded and it would probably just make me feel worse about myself. To paint you a picture, omegle girl is 5’0, constantly has a roster, has a popular ex boyfriend, is underweight and has a thin waist. Daisy is skinny, thin waist, trains gymnastics three times a week and can wear crop tops and tube tops and things. I’m 5’0, can’t wear crop tops or anything, not overweight but definitely not skinny, wide waist, ugly face and so on.

I typically don’t let these things effect me, but at the shopping center, 2 young boys (maybe like 10-13) came up to us asking us if we wanted a free pool noodle then left, we were waking and Daisy said “The boy was looking at you when he said that” (to Omegle girl) and she responded “I thought he was looking at you!” and all I could do was smile and nod UNTIL Daisy said “But he wasn’t looking at you,” (directed to me) and Omegle girl said “ohhh…” as if she knew it was kind of offensive and I literally didn’t know what to say to that. I’m used to boys not paying attention to me around my friends, but it was just mean of her to point it out I think.

I’m really close to Omegle girl too, and we had a sleepover where she was opening up to me about her struggles and things and she told me how she was essentially fine with her appearance and she KNOWS she’s attractive (pretty obvious in the way she would say “I hate ugly people” at school and how she would skip people based on appearance). I haven’t NEARLY been as bothered about my appearance as i’ve been in the past week since hanging out with them, but it’s less about the appearance and more about why they would purposely go out of their way to make me feel bad and whether it was intentional or not. I also don’t get why they think i’m on level too, like I can just GET a boyfriend (“I’m going to be so invested once you get a boyfriend”) and when they ask me “Did your parents allow you to date” as if I could date even if I tried. It makes me feel bad about myself when people ask these things because they can SEE me and how i’m not like them. Especially when talking about things like dating and they say “Me, Daisy and Ava should go on a triple date, not you though, because you don’t talk to boys” or something along the lines of that.

Our friend group is a group of 5 currently (Lets say Omegle, Daisy, Ava and Elly), and EVERYONE id say is fairly pretty and all talk to boys a lot except me. Whenever I see a boy texting them, even as a story reply or snap reply, I know the guy likes them, not because of what they’re texting but because they would’ve never even paid me that attention even if i did the same thing. For example, Omegle girl posted a story of our photos and we all added it to our stories and a classmate replied to Eva’s and said “6777” for no apparent reason which was clearly just a reason to talk to her because he was practically a stranger. I have access to ava’s snapchat and vice versa but I honestly just stopped going into her chats because it made me feel sad and lonely. It’s not even like I have a shitty personality or anything, I have more female friends than them and more interests and hobbies than them it’s just like i spent all my stats on that and not the latter you know.

Kudos for reading up to here i guess, sorry if you don’t understand me