Okay y’all, remember to be on your best behavior!

No Molotov cocktails, no crumbling of buildings, no throwing doughnuts at authority figures, no offensive chalk drawings, absolutely no aggressive shopping at farmer’s markets. Remove the dildos from the wires, think of the children. I am CHOKING on the thick smoke that hangs in the air from the… something…? Idk but there has gotta be something on fire because we are usually so so bad! Okay I lied about the smoke but we must be doing something wrong because we always are!

But really. We all know how absurd and unnecessary this is. The majority of us are minding our own business, going to work, doing school stuff, searching for that rascal Bigfoot, and meeting up with friends for brunch or drinks or whatever social people do. Stay safe. Ride your bicycles responsibly. Kiss your pets. Keep Portland gay.