I appear to have been promoted without notice

I was loitering in a local large retail outlet (purple and white if you’re from NZ), in my natural plumage of hoodie and jeans, when a woman accosted me with:

“Where are the spatulas?”

I politely explained that I didn’t work there. She stared at me, horrified, as if I’d just confessed to stealing her teaspoons. Then, in her best disapproving tone, accused me of “standing about like staff.”

Which was news to me. I hadn’t realised standing still was a recognised retail position. Apparently, by virtue of leaning on a trolley and looking vaguely upright, I had been knighted into the Order of Kitchenware Retail.

She huffed, muttered something about “lazy employees,” and stormed off… directly past an actual member of staff in full uniform, who I can only assume was invisible to her mortal eyes.

So if anyone needs me, I’ll be drawing up rotas and handing out spatulas.