He feels like a stranger and I'm panicking

I'm experiencing very bad anxiety attack rn, i just looked at pics i have from him and he felt and looked like a total stranger to me, like i don't know him at all, or i dont care abt him and want him at all, or idk what else just plenty of thoughts falling on ne at the same time won't let me breathe, it's crazy, I've experienced this before but each time i feel like this time it's real! i felt so numb this whole day, I can't feel anything for him and i get anxious when i look at him, i'm feeling like i genuinely don't (actually CAN'T) love him no more, like something blocks it, like I look at him and see all flaws and think this, but I really just F-ing hate this thought and I dont want it to be true I don't wanna be this way, but idk if that's because it's rocd or because it's a truth I don't wanna face??cause im afraid of letting go or what?? I hate this sh*t, I know it's rocd but I don't but I still do but I can't believe it or prove it to myself and no matter how hard i try it just comes back always .. I've experienced similar (if not exact same) theme and attatck before but each time I wonder again is it new?? Is it true this time?? ... Sometimes it really hurts me that the things tht is meant and supposed to give me joy, peace, and happiness, has became so torturing to me, I hate to have this disorder ruining my love for him it's like absolute torture ..