Just sad today…

Sometimes I just feel really sad trying to figure out what is behind my dead bedroom. As a woman in my mid 40's, I don't want sex if we're only going to have sex when I have to be the main one to plan it and execute it. We can go over six months without my husband really even realizing that we haven't had sex. And when I bring it up, he gets defensive and says he's not withholding sex and he's just as invested in having sex as I am. So why doesn't he plan or initiate? Why doesn't he ever show me outside the bedroom that he's interested in me physically? Why is sex always super vanilla (no oral, no mixing up positions, nothing). Sex was never exciting but it used to happen twice a month. Now it's like twice a year. I really have suspicions he's gay or possibly asexual-- but I have no solid proof of either. And he denies both. I have brought it up again and again. I just want to know WHY he doesn't seem interested in sex at all. All of his testosterone levels are normal. We have children and stressful jobs, but come on-- we are in like the 1st percentile for sexual frequency among married adults our age and we're both in good health. I don't think anything is going to change and we have a good enough friendship that I'm not going to leave my marriage over this. But God today I just feel really sad and like something is wrong with me. Also something is up with /dead bedrooms and I cannot seem to post there so here we are again ha ha