Healing After Hell, 100 Pounds Lighter, 100 Times Stronger

I survived the darkest years of my 30s inside a broken system.

I worked in a healthcare call center where day one felt like a psychological experiment.
People were fired before lunch.
The QA team acted like aliens instead of educational support to be better at your job. They hovered, judged, and decided who stayed and who vanished.

Someone marked me for no QA calls.

Flew under the radar until the supervisor got fired, and the new one flipped the switch back on.

By then, they went through so many people that they couldn’t afford to lose any more.

The chaos didn’t stop. Agents panicked at every update, and dropped horrible comments. The system was too broken to enforce professionalism.

While I was taking calls from grieving family members reporting deaths, I was also going to the hospital every day.

My best friend family member was fighting for his life. We didn’t know if he’d make it. His skin turned grey and almost couldn't walk.

That’s when he was diagnosed with kidney failure.

I attended meetings on how to talk about death while living inside it.

The trauma was constant.

The depression that followed was the creepiest, darkest I’ve ever known. It was like living in a house where all the lights worked, but didn't turn on.

It was like my brain got hijacked by fog and static.

Then about 7 months later at a doctors visit I weighed in at 280lbs. I was quite a shocked, and I was shocked that I was shocked and not paying attention to my health.

I started dieting and exercising, and gained weight. Went back to the doctor.

2 years later things are so much better.

Now I'm not just a custodian, I'm a lead!

In an average day I'll see retail, food production, a doctors office, help cover, help with supplies, run errands, and go to the construction office site where I also get to see supervisors under vehicles which feels very right. They're working on maintenance. I have a different schedule every day of the week.

Went from working days to nights.

The depression is gone, and dropped 100lbs.

But the anxiety? It refuses to leave.

Screw depression. Turn it into positive energy and change your life for the better.

I decided to post now because the shadows came back this week.

I decided to take a chance, make room for a guy in my heart, and let him in. He chose not to after we became boyfriends.

I was sad about it. The echoes and shadows came back to haunt.

I handed them a mop and said: Your shift starts now.