Developed TMJ and in mental and physical anguish I am over it

Blocked my lovely partner and my friends and deleted all my apps my mom just picked me up from my grandpa's house . I don't know what will come of it but I'm hoping I'll go through with something. My abusive childhood is affecting me in my adulthood and it's impossible to get anywhere without a car or ged. I have undiagnosed autism and ADHD. My family kept saying "oh yeah you definitely have autism"....why wasn't anything done about it... Being neglected while facing challenges from other abuse has fucked up my worldview. Everything feels fake. Sorry for the confession. I feel like suicide is what's going to happen to me. Sorry if tmi.