Unrequited

I need someone to tell me I’m an idiot or something else. I’ve loved a girl since I was 14. We’ve been on and off, and I’ve always struggled to love anyone else. I’m now 18.

About 8 months ago, I stopped talking/dating a girl who I did really like and could have loved, because I realised I still, after so much rejection and disappointment, loved this girl. That really hurt, I ended it because I figured the hurt for her then would be less than when it all would blow up, because it would in the end. The girl I ended it with hates me for it.

After that I told the girl I loved her, that I always had and I needed a no to make me stop loving her. She gave me that no, and a week later started going out with my good buddy. That hurt, but it helped a lot and I felt so happy all things considering.

They broke up since. I hold no reservation against him. But I love her again. It hurts me so much. I have no idea if I’ll be a good boyfriend. I obviously think I would be, but I know I have so much love to give. We are really quite similar people, we are good friends with a crap ton in common. I have no idea why she’s never loved me other than really horrible luck that the person I have loved for all this time, who I really cared about, has no love for me. Please help me move forward. I love her and I have every reason to not.