Boyfriend’s mom invited me to be in family pictures, but my family says it’s weird

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Originally posted to r/Advice

Boyfriend’s mom invited me to be in family pictures, but my family says it’s weird

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Mood Spoilers: >!positive!<

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Original Post: September 23, 2025

Hi, so I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (20M) for almost a year now — our one-year anniversary is next month. We’re in a serious relationship, we’ve talked about marriage and both know that’s where we’re headed.

His family does professional photos every other year, and this fall is when they’re scheduled to do them again. His mom actually asked me to be in the pictures, which honestly made me really happy. I’ve been included in a lot of family things already — I’ve gone to his siblings’ birthday parties, one of his brother’s band concerts, a wedding reception, and I’ve met a bunch of extended family. It feels like I’m part of their circle, so I thought it was sweet that they want me in something special like family photos.

Obviously I understand that no relationship is 100% guaranteed, and there’s always the chance we could break up. So I don’t expect to be in every single photo they take — I know they’ll do some with just their immediate family, and I think that’s normal and totally fine.

The problem is, when I mentioned it to my mom, she said, “Why would they want you in those pictures?” My sister agreed it was strange, and my best friend said she sees both sides. She told me she dated her boyfriend for three years and he was never in her family’s photos, but she also admitted that maybe that was a bit extreme.

So now I’m kind of second-guessing myself. I don’t feel weird about being in the photos — we’re serious and his mom invited me, so I feel like it’s fine. But my family’s reaction makes me wonder if I’m missing something.

Is it actually unusual to be in your partner’s family pictures after a year? Should I just enjoy being included, or should I be cautious about it? I know I’m going to say yes to being in them, I guess I just never thought about it in the perspective that my family and best friend have.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Do they truly think it’s more appropriate to leave you out and make it clear you’re not part of the family? Says more about your family than theirs, they’d totally exclude your bf from family events.

OOP: You know it’s crazy that you brought that up, because I literally had a conversation about this with my mom yesterday. I’ve been telling her for a while that our family needs to update our family pictures because we all look so different now. And I said we should do some this fall, and she literally said “if we do some he can’t be in them“.

Commenter 2: Naw, if you're in a serious relationship it's not weird. Your family is just not as open to me mended a his is. If you like being a part of his family (and it sounds like you do), enjoy the love and be greatful that your new family is a good one.

Commenter 3: Even if it is weird. What is it going to hurt? There will be a story to tell when they look back? “Oh, yeah. That was X’s girlfriend at the time”. But that is just my perspective.

Commenter 4: I think it is the sweetest thing that your boyfriend’s mother invited you to be in the photos. It is an honor she bestowed on you; it would be sad, if not rude, to decline. Please accept….especially because that is what you have stated you want to do.

 

Update: September 28, 2025 (five days later)

UPDATE: Boyfriend‘s mom invited me to be in family pictures, but my family says it’s weird

Original Post - https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/lLdpYah4eQ

So we had the pictures today, and honestly it went way smoother than I expected. My boyfriend’s mom basically took charge — she was kind of the boss of the whole thing, telling everyone where to stand and what combos to do. Since it was at a park, she had a list and moved us around a lot.

I ended up being in almost all of the photos. The only ones I wasn’t in were just the sibling shots, but I was in everything else. At first I thought it was a little strange, but then it hit me that they really do see me as part of the family already. His mom even had us do specific combos like me + my boyfriend, me + him + his brother and sister-in-law, me + him + both his parents, etc. So yeah, I was definitely included.

Some people in the comments on my first post said I should step aside for some pictures — I didn’t end up doing that. Honestly, with the way his mom was running things, it would’ve been super awkward if I suddenly refused to be in certain shots. It just wouldn’t have fit the vibe.

For those who guessed surprise engagement… nope, not this time (although I wouldn’t have minded lol).

But overall, you guys were right — his family does see me as part of their circle, and after today, I really do feel that too. Some of you mentioned my mom might be a little jealous, and I can kind of see that. I think my life looks different from what hers did at my age, and she probably also doesn’t want me to get hurt.

In the end, I realized there isn’t a universal “right or wrong” here. Every family handles this stuff differently. But I’m glad I said yes, and I truly appreciate all the advice and perspectives you guys gave me on my original post.

Comments

Commenter 1: I love that they included you, but it wouldn't be shocking if they took some without you as well. I see people on the photoshop request sub all the time asking to remove someone's former partner from family photos. The fact that they know it's possible you won't be together forever and still chose to include you means they love and accept you, and that they're likely hoping you'll be his forever. That's worth remembering.

Commenter 2: Sounds like you handled it perfectly... embracing their welcome shows you belong. Sometimes family worry comes from love, but it’s great you’re feeling included and confident. Keep trusting your gut!

 

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