I HATE having endo AND diabetes.

I have Type 1 diabetes and unfortunately the past 2 months I really experienced some serious burnout. I just stopped caring about my blood sugars and my last a1c was 8% (it should be under 7%). Anyway, the pre-op nurse said it was fine to proceed with the surgery as long as my a1c was under 9%. I had surgery on September 10th, and they found extensive endometriosis all over my pelvic region. I had a 15 cm endometrioma removed which resulted in needing a abdominal wall resection. My sigmoid colon was attached to the wall of my uterus, and I also had retroperitoneal fibrosis due to the endometriosis which could have eventually led to kidney failure. I felt fine for about 3 weeks, but then my biggest incision began leaking clear, kind of bloody fluid. I thought nothing of it because it didn't smell bad and it wasn't cloudy. Then it began to get very hard, red and hot. I made an appointment with Urgent Care thinking it was a simple infection and they'd just give me antibiotics and I'd be on my way. Boy was I wrong! As soon as the NP saw the incision, she immediately told me to go to the ER. It was draining brown liquid. I went to the ER and when I went to take off my underwear and pants, it leaked allllll over the floor. The doctor did a CT scan, and I had to be sent to a bigger hospital (Mercy Hospital- where I originally had my surgery) and was immediately put on IV antibiotics. I was running a really high fever and was completely delirious. Anyway, after 3 days of packing my 6 cm deep wound, and antibiotics I was released from the hospital since the antibiotics were at a therapeutic level. I have a home Healthcare nurse that is coming 3 times a week to pack and change my bandages, and my husband will do it when she's not here. I cried at the hospital because I could not stop blaming myself. After years upon years of dealing with diabetes I'd just had enough of dealing with the highs and lows. Unfortunately, the burnout came at such a terrible time. I don't know if it was even my high blood sugar levels that caused the infection, my surgeon said it could've happened regardless, but I cannot help but blame myself and hate my diabetes even more. I've been keeping my blood sugar levels around 100-110 mg/dL to ease the healing process, and the hospital case worker recommended a therapist to help me with the burnout. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent here. It has been quite the endo journey for me!