Am I (33F) the problem in my relationship with my boyfriend (36M)?

We started dating in early 2020 after meeting at work. I genuinely fell in love with him. We spent several months talking at work before becoming serious and moving in together later that year. We felt unbreakable at the time. Not long after, he lost his job, and since his lease was ending, he suggested we move to his hometown for a fresh start where rent was cheaper. I agreed and we decided it would be a good idea for me to go back to school to get a better-paying job, since we had both been working retail. Finishing college was always a life goal of mine.

He offered to cover most of our expenses while I worked retail part-time during the school year and full-time during summer. I consistently offered to contribute more, but he rarely accepted more than $200/month. I graduated in June 2024 after three years of school, and right around that time, he lost his job again.

I offered to help using my savings, but he refused, saying as a man he couldn’t accept it and that I’d be vulnerable with a small savings if I did that. I tried giving him more but he would not accept so I stopped .

Then things shifted. After I started my new job, he began acting differently he became verbally and physically abusive. We’d had fights before, but this was worse. He left for three days, taking one of our three cats. Eventually, we made up and moved closer to my family, he said he didn’t want me living in his hometown anymore.

Now, in 2025, we’ve been fighting every few months. He insults me often — calling me ugly, saying I look hunchbacked, that he’d rather be with a hot blonde he can control. He lashes out and belittles me for going back to school instead of “just applying myself.” He says I’m pathetic for being behind in life, and a "loser" with no savings. He tells me he’s held a grudge because I didn’t pay him back — even though I tried to on multiple occasions to help out .

He mocks me for gaining weight, tells me I’ve lost my personality, and yesterday, things turned south again. I have bruises and feel broken, but still can’t bring myself to hate him. I don’t know how to leave after five years together.

He says he’ll post pictures with a new girl and our cat as revenge. He reminds me constantly that we’re “just roommates” now, and has threatened me he’ll start talking to other females.

I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’ve lost all interest in hobbies. I’ve isolated myself. I have no close friends, and I feel like if I leave him, I’ll be alone. I want to believe I can still accomplish things, but he’s worn me down so much that I question if I’m capable of anything.

I keep wondering if I really did ruin this relationship because of the money aspect ? He said even if I offered I was not where I should be finically for him to accept so he’ll always hold that against me. Is this all my fault?

TL;DR:

I (33F) supported my boyfriend (36M) through job loss, and he supported me while I went back to school. After I graduated and started working, he became emotionally and physically abusive, often belittling me, calling me names, and blaming me for our struggles. He says he resents me, threatens to talk to other women, and says we’re just roommates now. I feel completely worn down, isolated, and unsure how to leave after 5 years. I don’t know if I caused this or if it’s my fault our relationship fell apart.