Struggling with trauma from childhood need advice

I don’t usually post, but I need to get this off my chest.

When I was 8, I lost my real mom. She had schizophrenia, and before she passed away, there were times when I wasn’t safe around her. After that, I lived with my stepmom, but she always hated me she thought I would take money or inheritance away from her. She used to beat me on a daily basis, sometimes for no reason at all, and growing up in that kind of environment really broke me.

Because of this, I developed panic attacks. Even today, at 24, if I hear someone screaming especially a woman my body just freezes and I start reliving everything. Talking to girls feels impossible, like my brain shuts down.

In school, I couldn’t focus because of all this, and that made me an easy target for bullying. After 10th grade I started standing up for myself and even fighting back if someone crossed the line, but deep inside I’ve never been able to fully move on.

I carry so many invisible wounds from my childhood I live in constant fear, I struggle with trusting people, my self-esteem is really low, and I overthink every small thing. On the outside I may look fine, but inside it always feels like there’s a storm I can’t calm.

I’ve tried two psychiatrists before, but it didn’t help much. Still, I don’t want to give up I want to heal and live a normal life.

If anyone here has been through something similar, or knows a good psychiatrist in Delhi who actually understands trauma cases, I’d be really grateful if you could share. Even advice on how to manage panic attacks would mean a lot.

Just writing this out makes me feel a little lighter. Thanks for reading.