Everything feels forced!

Lately I've been feeling this weird emptiness where really want to talk to someone, but there's literally no one around. And even when I do try, it just doesn't click. Like maybe we're not from the same field, maybe they lose interest, or maybe I just don't vibe with how the convo goes.

Sometimes I feel like hopping on a call with someone, but then they crack some random stupid joke and instantly my interest just... dies. It's like, "here we go again." And then I'm back to square one, not wanting to talk to anyone.

What I actually want is a conversation that just flows naturally no forced effort, no awkwardness, just two people talking in a way that feels good. But right now, I don't know on what basis I should even start talking to people.

Part of me thinks I should just focus on my work instead of chasing conversations. But at the same time, I can't shake off this feeling of wanting someone to just get it and talk in a way that doesn't feel like I'm forcing every bit of effort.