I love my mom, but I can’t talk to her without ending up feeling worse

I feel bad because my mom has been through so much in her life that she didn’t deserve but for as long as I can remember she’s always been really verbally aggressive and mean toward me. It’s like she takes her anger out on me and it’s only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.

She’s not a bully but she’s just so negative all the time always sarcastic, always frowning, always pessimistic. It’s emotionally draining. I struggle to have normal small talk with her because it somehow always ends up making me feel stupid or worthless.

It’s not even that I just want to complain or vent to her. It’s literally anything just normal everyday things turn into arguments.

Sometimes I just wish I had a mom I could actually talk to, someone I could tell things to without it ending in a fight or making me feel worse about myself. She doesn’t even always realize she’s doing it but it still hurts.

I just got home after a nearly 7-hour day at university I was exhausted and just making conversation, saying how tired I was. Instead of comforting me she told me I won’t succeed in university unless I start praying more. She’s very religious and I respect that, but it feels like she turns everything into something negative or critical.

And when we fight she just keeps talking and talking even after I’ve completely shut down. I end up feeling like a bad daughter for even being upset, but I can’t help it. I just turned 18, and with university stress on top of all this it’s taking such a big toll on me.

I desperately need help. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore or how to ignore it. How do you cope or set boundaries with a parent like this without feeling guilty?