I’ve so many responsibilities that I fulfill, but none of them understand the actual me

I’m 27. And this is bit of a rant.

Call me weak, but I’m basically not meant to handle so many responsibilities when I don’t even want to part of this hostile world.

I’m consumed by many things currently: a renovation work for my parents home, my parents health, office work, my own therapy and me trying to socialise more plus if that wasn’t enough I’m also preparing for interviews.

Again, call me weak. But I’m not complaining about the amount of responsibilities that I have, which tbh, I seem to handle pretty well. I’ve to make thousands of decisions every day, at work I’ve to handle multiple people same goes with renovations. And I kinda like it. Because each time I take a decision my brain tickles a little. The analytical part of brain loves it.

But emotionally I’m drained. There’s no friend no family to talk with when I’m done for the day. Loneliness isn’t just because I don’t have friends but because I don’t even know how to share myself with others anymore. I can’t explain half of the stuff I do. I don’t know why I’m doing renovation for my parents, why I constantly seek better job while I have my current one which ain’t exciting but pays okay. Why I have to read books to learn about psychology when I have therapist to handle that for me (or that’s what I suppose). Why I have to detail out everything at work when people get satisfied with bare minimum. Idk! And if it feels like bragging, I’m actually frustrated by myself. I basically can’t connect with people anymore.

When day ends, I basically feel like everyone just wants me because I offer them my help. And when they don’t need me, nobody looks back and checks on me. As if I’m just an outsider after the work is done.

I’m somebody till they need me. After that I’m nobody. I can practically vanish in thin air and nobody will notice until they need me again.