Helpppop

Okay, so there is this one guy let's name him umm...R okay? He likes me, but I dont. I'm aroace, but nobody knows. He is a nice guy, he has been trying out my hobbies like MLBB and watched an anime I recommend just to talk about it with me, he is quite smart too—academically— but I've been ignoring him most of the time, texting dry and all, he will text me good night message even though I haven't seen or replied to his previous text. I don't know what to do, we were classmates before, never talked, just stared texting, I don't really wanna but I can't say it like "oh I don't wanna talk". So what do I do, ghosting won't work. He even stared playing MLBB just so we can play together, I feel so guilty because I cannot like him back. I feel like maybe I unknowingly lead him but I donno.

I said I'm busy and all for last few days, but he will say "text me when you are free" It would all be fine if he hadn't started following my hobbies. He is nice and all, smart same major as me and something I think maybe I should just date him because maybe I will never find someone who like me, maybe I should just try to fall in love but the thing is I cannot, I cannot fall in love, and I do not see any 'us' in near future☹️ Maybe it's because every conversation revolves around him liking me, not loudly but YK, subtle. The pressure of someone liking me is heavy, ik I need someone to grow old but I don't want our conversation to start with one of us in love already, just some random conversation which leads to friendship and after some time of knowing it's obvious that we'll be together, maybe just as friend, maybe as lover but just some to grow old woth, that's what I've imagined for myself, always. And it's so different maybe that's why. Idk.

Yea, ik I should text probably tell him that I'm not interested soon, and I want to do it but another part of me is like, you will never find someone who will like you. Who will you grow old with? Your friends and sibling will have there own life and your parents are old already, so who want to be your one person? Ik I will need someone to share this life with, everyone does. But it also feels so selfish when I think about just dating him knowing I'll never be what he needs.