Suddenly was feeling suicidal

I'm sharing my story please don't be harsh on me, i don't have any friends too, I'm not feeling well today.

I had mouth breathing issues, I used to breathe through mouse in childhood, I have shorter than normal jaw bone, it affects facial aesthetics looks everything. Normally people aren't aware of it but I have studied it so got to know I have these issues that's why I look different. My face has a lot of assymetry too plus narrow palate as well.

I don't click pics from back camera because they traumatise me seeing how bad I'm looking, it's a way of mind to survive but today after yrs i clicked a pic and i just am crying since that time, my face looks horrible. I m in my senses while writing this, and it's true. For a moment i thought i should kill myself tomorrow but then i don't wanna die, I want to live life, but my face is beyond ugly it's defectful i believe. My face is so bad that people don't even say me anything because of pity i believe.

I have never let my looks come into my efforts, i studied hard went to a top 10 engineering college in India and now I'm doing good career wise. My pay is >2lpm. I like working hard, I have always helped everyone around but if I will see me I cannot tell that this guy holds this mentality my face looks so horrible and sad. I never partied and never lived life too, I have always thought I would hide my face from everyone so I stayed at home, with even if I go out i sit in a secluded corner and just try avoiding any talks.

I have a very sharp and intellectual brain who is continuously thinking bro agar tera face thoda acha hota to kya baat hoti but nhi hai na Aisa aur I cannot go back in time too.

I m not seeking sympathy but want to know honest views, I have to go for surgery to get improvements and that too idk how much will be good, my self esteem is at all time low, I don't even make eye contact with anyone. Suddenly there are bouts of loneliness too, i don't even know if I can get a partner or not because with that face I dare go in front of someone. I'm not talking about complexion it's okay. The things about facial bones i told that disturbs my face.

I have got suicidal thoughts over many years but now what I felt today was something else, I almost made mind don't know why but I want to live to, I love this world but that face, what do I do about it.