Why should I bother taking care of myself when I have nobody?

CW: Mentions of Suicide and/or mild suicide ideation. I didn't want to tag it with the flare because then it would have been flagged as 18+ and not even I would have been able to view it.

Basically just the title.

Right now, I feel like I'm pulling a Shoya from Silent Voice. The only difference is that I'm not doing it with the expectation of killing myself at the end.

I lost all of my friends because of a breakup. The problem is, I can't blame them. I made that choice. I told them that I didn't want them to have to pick sides, and that I would be removing myself from the group. I know what picking sides feels like and it hurts.

But, because I can't blame them, I can only blame myself. Only two of my friends stayed with me. I'm less 'friend', more 'acquaintance' with one of them, though.

I've gathered the shit I owe them and am working on getting the £106 I need to seperately pay them all for the crap I've had to replace and/or would be worthless to give up. The only difference between me and Shoya is that I'm not doing this to die. Not yet.

That's where my question comes in. Why SHOULD I live? Why should I take care of myself and stay in a world where I have nobody? What is the point. I spent most of today crying because of this and nobody, not even strangers, cared.

I'm the one who called off the relationship and yet I feel like I'm the one who is suffering the most. Why should I stay? Would they not all like it better if I just died?