My Sister Messaged AP...She Spilled EVERYTHING.

Hi all. If you're to read this, it's a wild ride. I learned all of this last night on my way home with my WP after our date which came out to be very fun. I was a little tipsy holding his hand and he was telling me how much we needed this and he misses us and he loves me so much and that Im his one and only and then DING. My sister messages me "hey...so I texted her." HAHA so, Im currently just numb to it and eh. Im on week 4 from DDay and I've just done so much research and talked to so many friends, family, coworkers and people in this group. Ive told him prior im willing to R because I love him and we've been married for 4 years you know and I just have so much going on in my life right now and for this to happen, I'll spiral and just I cant. Im posting this for people to just give me whatever you want. Its for me to vent. Its for me to get opinions or just hear support. I just. Yeah.

My WP is 7 years clean off drugs. This year he was a very heavy alcoholic. Im a full time student who during the spring was working two jobs. WP works part time warehouse, When I met this man, he had nothing. I built and gave everything he ever wanted to him (even got him 4 cars cos each car just had problems aka bought off fb or offer up). In relationships, I tend to be the caretaker / dominant figure and recently I've learned that I've never set boundaries down and I of course need to give him responsibilities. Our relationship this year has been rocky due to his alcoholism, my family, and bills. We are $40,000 in cc debt and along with my Bachelors degree, those two have been my main focus. I have been feeling before DDay that I had been putting 100% of the effort in our relationship and my husband has been telling me he's just comfortable. In fact, I found out about the affair because I was having a conversation how Im just not feeling it and Im on autopilot with us and I asked for his phone because I wanted to convince myself it was nothing and BAM, he started freaking out and gave me the phone.

I already knew who it was, A coworker at his work who I knew already liked him because she was buying him shit and he was coming home with this shit and he would tell me this coworker liked his favorite bands and I told him "dude she likes you stay away from her" and he would tell me "babe I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole shes fucking ugly" and "my homies would put me in check if they ever saw me flirting or suspected me with another girl". I met her too at their friend group hang out after work. I hugged her, talked to her since she was knew, and she met my DOG. He's incredibly special to me and just. Yeah. I tried adding her on IG you know? like the rest of his friend group and haha she denied it. I told him right there, "dude look. she doesnt even want me on IG she likes you." and I remember him telling me, "what do you want me to do? say sorry?". At that time, he was drunk.

My husband told me that they only had sex one time and he stopped after because he instantly regretted it and felt bad. He claims on the one time it was physical, they went to work, went to the spot (hang out spot with friends), he got drunk and they went to the gym to then the gas station to buy condoms and beer, then went to her parents house (she lives with them) and fucked. He said they rarely texted and it was never in our apartment, just mainly on the road since they talked at work. He changed her name so I wouldnt get mad seeing it pop up on his phone and he was deleting messages so I wouldn't see. I told him I just want THE TRUTH. He claims that is the truth. He doesnt know why and he should have stopped texting her after. Her last message said "Oh! and I love you!" and I asked him you love her!? he says he didnt mean it and it was just to keep her around. Later on after talking with him he tells me the reason why he did it was maybe because we weren't seeing each other alot with our busy schedules and he liked the attention and the serotonin of the thrill and the danger. - this is where I learned it's just best to accept what I already know. No facts, no details, just accept that they cheated, assume the worst because fuck man, I dont want to imagine anything else.

Anyways, since DDay I have spiraled. I almost lost my job because I was missing days and I was almost dropped from my teaching credential program because I never met up with my observing teacher and missed two days of school. I started drinking just to stop the scenarios of them together in my head and to stop the analyzations and just to feel at peace. Ive never been a drinker at all till now. Also started self-medicating which is legal in my state and have started doing which I never ever thought I'd do in my life. I have actively been on this thread, been talking to people in my life who have been cheated on (so sad how common this is), been talking to my therapist, tik toks, instagram videos, you name it. Im a student so I have the mentality of I need to research this, I need to see his mindset, I need to just figure out WTF HAPPENED? After everything, I had concluded sometime last week, in order to just not hurt as much and just do life and work on things...I need to move on. I still cry in my car listening to music and theres things and places I avoid and episodes still occur in my head but If I want peace and to really build with him, I need to let it go.

HAHAHAHAHA SO... as I mind my own business....like a gift from the heavens... THE TRUTH is revealed in the form of Instagram messages from my sister to the AP who my sister didnt tell me she messaged her. And WOW this girl told me alot.

Ready? Okay. So she started working at my husbands job back in August. She claims that since she started working there, he was obsessed with her because she was such a good worker. He would give her eyes and hugs and invite her out. He was talking to her a lot. They hung out and texted a lot starting October/ November of last year. It was in April they started seeing each other and he was the one who initiated it by saying "I thought I'd be able to keep this as 'just friends but I cant'" and kissed her. He would complain about our relationship saying that I wouldn't leave him alone on weekends (when he's off) when all he wanted to do was sit down and watch tv. He talked bad about my family saying they're constant drama and stress him out. He would hang out with her before work and after work every single day and he was drinking the entire time (this period he was supposed to not be drinking and told me he wasnt). After work, they both were actively going to the gym together.

~~Background: His job is from 4pm-10pm or longer. I was always doing homework / making dinner for him around this time. He was struggling with alcohol so we came up that instead of going to the spot to hang with friends and drink, he would go to the gym and work on himself. I was very supportive you know and like I saw it as if he was home, I would be doing homework and he can focus on himself and feel better about his self-esteem and fight the urge for alcohol and he was so on board and he would send me pictures and everything, I was like theres no room in his schedule to cheat. Reviewing everything...damn I FEEL LIKE A FOOL!!! i trusted this guy. Anybody in the street would assume hes cheating just by this paragraph alone lmao. LMAO and its sad, Ive been dying to go to the gym with him. We havent yet and just planned. His work is in a different city than where we live. ~~

She says that they were having sex more than once than he claims. She has a count too, "once in april, once in may, skipped june, july was every week basically, and nothing in August". I caught them 4 weeks ago thru texts as a reminder. They only wore a condom once. They fucked once in his car and the rest at her parents house. He ate her out, she blew him, everything. She caught 1 yeast infection during july (i had 2 utis and a yeast infection in july). She bought him expensive black ray bans and a manscape trimmer in which he claimed he took from work. He would bring her food but they never went out. He would loudly express that our marriage isnt in paper and he didnt sign anything (it was a commitment ceremony in vegas and we didnt do legal docs for financial reasons and to save for like a bigger wedding where it will be docs). He brought her to our apartment once but they didnt do anything so he took her home and kissed her. He asked her to be his girlfriend in which she said she didnt accept or deny but just went along with it. OH! The day he brought her over, It was April 11th, the day of my sisters baby shower so I was with her. He didnt come because again he was drunk from the night before and I remember he shit the bed when I left. LMAO. When they texted it wasnt anything personal but friend stuff like movies and the gym and MY DOG. None of their work group knew about it and they made sure to keep it under wraps. She then goes on to say hes a terrible person and hes a manipulator and shes so sorry she entertained it and she was only looking out for him and now only wants to look out for me and not fall for his lies like...lol. fuck him and fuck you.

Listen I know you all may be thinking why did you stay with someone who was an alcoholic or he sounds terrible in general. He was never like this. When I met him, he did tell me he was a recovered Addict and he had been to jail for 2 dui's. I sympathized for him because myself, I had just gone through my 17 year old brother dying from a drug overdose in which we went through a lot for him before he past. He treated me special like no other man has for me. I met him when I was about 300 lbs. I had a weight loss surgery a week after meeting him and he took care of me. He was always so kind and loving. Through the years we had struggles with family and finances. Im an independent go getter who always looked out for herself. Im dominant in all areas and very confident in whatever I do. I own up to things I do and take responsibility. Im a Christian woman who abides by marriage and working it out. I never gave up on my brother, I dont give up on anyone. He had a lot of baggage with childhood trauma, drug addiction. When I met him? He was fine. He was great. He was working and such but then he lost his job and him and his mom who both paid for an apartment were about to lose it and thats where my caretaker personality came in. I have catered to this man since I met him and I was okay with it. That is my fault. I love being relied on and kicking ass to make ends meet. However, it was too much. I let him walk all over me. I didn't allow him to really...mmm dont know how to word this but be apart of the relationship or act like a man? I mean he could have done it regardless but he didnt. he's my husband and Ive been with him for awhile.

Um so yeah. Im just...numb? Ive already accepted the fact he cheated right and I accepted the worst outcomes that come with sex. I accepted they had a connection as he was deleting messages and they were going to the gym together. I accepted that he is a dick head narcissist and i hate it took me this long to see it. The red rose glasses really came up man. I have already accepted and wanted to move on. However, he wasnt open and honest in which I knew he wasnt. I knew it would take time through TT. I suspected he cheated on me because she worshipped the ground he walked on and he was drinking and hes insecure and this was an ego boost. He has mommy issues, childhood trauma, he was an addict, his dad was never in the picture. Our bills were big on us and we were fighting a lot about him getting another / new job. I read statistics that cheating and money are the biggest marriage killers and I got both. He's every line in a "make a cheater" text book like damn I really hit the head on this one. I mentally prepared myself for if information came up. We went on a date last night and it was nice, granted I had a drink and was buzzed. It felt nice.

I showed him the messages, He cried and we talked. He cried more and told me he sees what this has done and he realizes what he has and he has so much love for me and im his one and only and this and that. Before this message gift from above, he did show genuine remorse. He was trying and actively is. We agreed in couples therapy and going to church in which he's never gone and doesnt proclaim himself as Christian but I believe he needs Jesus. I cant say how I feel about him right now. Again, I accepted this already and this was just the extra detail to the burger I ordered. What I guess really knocked me out about this new information was Bro really didnt wear protection and was so open about our marriage not being on paper. Like ANY CHEATER would know to cover up, RIGHT? Im like dude what if shes pregnant!? What if she got pregnant!? in which he said she didnt! She didnt! She cant be because it's already too late. I was like, did it ever occur to your brain that she could be pregnant and like what would you do if she did!? ... lmao we are both non believers in abortion (i dont attack people who do) and he told me he doesnt know, he'd ask her to get an abortion. Haha.

I dont know how to feel right now. Again, just numb. I cant look at him. We were going to have sex last night because man we just had a good date night and I've been wanting some love and attention and yeah... it wont happen for awhile. Im really debating just hitting someone up for a bit. Yeah, I dont believe in revenge affair or what not however like FUCK you guys read this!? I want to do R or i dont know! Like i said ive accepted it and wanted to move on. From what Ive learned and been told is the best thing for R is to let it go and move on. Just AHHH THE NO CONDOM!!!! Idk. It's seriously best to not get the details like just assume the worst. Dont believe a word they tell you seriously and just assume the worst. Realize that they betrayed you and slept with the person and in fact more than once. I truly believe this mindset is what made me not act up like a mad man hearing all of this. My guard was up and now all these messages are is just filler. It's ketchup and mayo and cheese to a burger I already ordered and knew would be there.

However this mindset is whats making it hard to think if i should do R. I told my husband i wanted to do R and we were already working on it and yeah this happens. I feel like a fool staying with him now but like I already knew the WHOLE? Of course Im going to tell a few of my friends, I cant hold this shit in and how theyll judge me. They tell me they wont but i know itll be uneasy for them being in the same room with them which I dont blame em!! Im not mad! Im just like FUCK.

Yeah. Here I'm at. Thank you for reading this far. I hope this has maybe helped someone or just if youd like to say anything, Im open. Um, yeah I think maybe I do wanna sleep with someone just to get my mind off it but again! I dunno!