I just feel so stuck

We have a plan in place. But for that to work out, we have to tie some loose ends here. And I feel so stuck. Minutes, hours, days, months... time just flies by and we're still here and trying to finish this part of our life, that's here here where we currently are. There are some things that are out of our hands, but it's really hard to just idle... I am starting to lose hope and patience. I know I'm more nervous and so is he. We talk about things and have a good connection, it isn't a problem here. This feeling of hopelessness is. Some days this feeling is so overwhelming that I just walk to a nearby forest and cry. But crying doesn't make me feel lighter anymore. It just makes me less emotional for a while. And I don't want to tell te extent of this feeling to him. I've struggled with depression most of my life but not so much in recent years as I have worked on myself really much. And I feel it creeping back and I just can't fall into that hole again. But now, even the weather is depressing, autumn is here, it's f...ng cold and dark and kind of reflects my feelings... And i'm rambling and perhaps it doesn't make any sense to anyone reading this. I just needed to vent...