Friends

I never understood people on here who said they didn't mind or even preferred being alone, but after years of being a recluse and then having possibly the most unbearable online friendship imaginable this year, I think I finally get it. Cutting those people off made me realize just how much energy it takes to find and maintain actually decent friendships which I honestly just don't have in me and I don't think I ever will. It's not that this one experience is the only reason I feel this way of course, but it's definitely the thing that made it click. Before, I'd only really felt this way about romantic relationships. I really wish I'd never gotten involved with those people at all, feels like they left my brain even more fried than it already was. I know there are good people out there and it's not 100% bleak, but finding them is like digging for diamonds in a pile of shit (at least with my track record), which isn't something I'm that keen on doing. I'd rather focus on learning to be okay with loneliness and building more independence instead. Sorry for being vague, just wanted to get my thoughts out without going into the situation.