SAHM of Reddit who financially depend on your husband but are unhappy, how do you cope? Do you feel trapped?

Hello hello,

So myself and my fiancé have been together for 10 years with 2 kids (6 and 3). Just because of our personalities and skills, we’ve ended up doing things ‘traditionally’ but with our genders swapped.

Basically she finds her job super easy and earns good money or it. She is also autistic and adhd and struggles to tidy, clean and not make mess in general. She also has very very low energy for any kind of exercise or intimacy. She has sleep ins most mornings as she also says she needs more sleep as women do need more sleep than men. She is also the big picture person, just let traditionally how men have the final say, she does.

I on the other hand work freelance around the kids. I am 90% of the childcare, I do all meal plans, prep, shops, cleaning and organising and tidying. I’ve always been told I’m that sensitive, kind guy. I hate that label. I love looking after my kids, I’m a human Labrador with unlimited energy and no social battery, I don’t like mess and untidiness so I can’t help doing it when she leaves mess out. I do all the chores with one or two kids attached to me and I enjoy that to be honest. I do bath time and bedtime every night which takes 2 hours because she gets exhausted. Every weekend we spend time as a family and she is exhausted and miserable. She takes naps because it’s too much. I earn ok money considering how little I work and am relatively successful in my creative field.

So the crux of it is, I’m unhappy. If I could financially, I would have left by now. I long for someone who isn’t always tired, who wants to go out and do nice things, who is intimate and finds me sexually attractive or makes me feel that way at least and someone who seems to enjoy life and not just exist. She is neurodivergent and people have told me how they need space and time etc. I resent the fact that I do so much and clean up after someone all the time when looking after two kids. My brother has said this to me too, whenever he calls he always says things like oh she’s out for the evening again? Etc. I think I ’ve felt this way always but masked. I posted this a while back and someone said welcome to 90% of women. I’m asking if this is familiar, how do you cope or am I being a humongous arsehole.

My kids are my life. My eldest asked the other day why are you scared of mum and why does she boss you around. I’m worried I’m just setting a terrible example of people pleasing as he has a tendency to do the same already.