POA for emotionally distant father - grief and guilt

Hi, all. I've received a lot of comfort from this and other subs, and I'm experiencing a great deal of emotional turmoil regarding my elderly father (81). I could use some words of advice, criticism, whatever. Apologies for the length.

I (32F) have had POA for the last 5 years since my dad fell and broke his hip the first time. He was living with friends and wasn't taking his medication consistently (primary diagnosis is Parkinson disease). The man was completely white, eating nothing but eggs, and sleeping on a soiled mattress. I had recently moved back to the area and panicked and had him moved to assisted living after his stay at the hospital and nursing home.

His dementia has worsened, although he does have lucid days. The past 5 years have been difficult - he has accused me of stealing his money; he's moved to several different facilities because of cost (he's very protective of his money and doesn't qualify for Medicaid); and I've pretty much received only criticism from my siblings. I have 6 half siblings from both of my parents' first marriages, and I am the youngest. None has offered to help in any way or given suggestions, but they sure do have a lot to say about how I've managed his care.

What has also been difficult for me is that my father was emotionally absent when I was a child; the only thing he seems to enjoy is watching TV. My parents divorced 12 years ago, and my dad has been unable to move on and makes up lies about my mom when his dementia is really bad. He hasn't been present during my big life moments (like college graduation) because she was there and he hates her. I often wonder if that resentment and stress contributed to his stroke a few years after the divorce. In addition, after said divorce, he took me to court to try to obtain my childhood home that they had agreed to leave me (mortgage was still being paid). He wouldn't even look at me that day. The judge even said that he had never seen a parent try to take a house from their child. For years after this, all our conversations were about how I had hurt him because I didn't trust him with the house. I pay for his medications and life insurance.

I guess I just want to know whether I've been a terrible daughter. I've tried to respect his autonomy within reason. I haven't seen him in 2 years since I moved away (first in state, then out of state) for a job opportunity, and I hadn't really spoken to him in 7 months until this week when he ended up in the hospital with low BP. He's signed the consent forms for hospice because he didn't want a PEG tube and his oral muscles are getting weaker. I was just tired of endless conversations in which he accused me of stealing from him and sticking him somewhere he hates. He never asks about me or what I've been up to, has no idea I'm now engaged. I know his dementia has an impact, but he's really not that different now: bad with money, disinterested in my life.

Two of his 4 kids from his first marriage who still talk to him (he essentially abandoned them after he split from their mother - very much an out of sight, out of mind kind of dad) are now trying to be very involved and want to take him to live with them in his home country. My sister has basically said that I'm letting him die, since I'm the one who's "always made all the decisions." Dad doesn't want to go, so may be a moot point.

I've tried my best, but I just couldn't pay for his care or have him live with me. I'm trying to save for my own retirement so that this situation doesn't repeat itself. He didn't plan for his end of life care or funeral or anything, and I'm not even sure he has a will.

I feel conflicted because I didn't speak to him for a while, and maybe I did push him closer to the end by putting him in assisted living. Maybe I should've just let him choose.

I'm leaving out some details because this is already quite long, but I can provide more context. I'm planning to fly out to spend time with him after I speak with my boss. Thanks for reading.