Tireless ramblings

I’m here at the office Trying to hold it together. Making pointless conversations like “hey how bout this weather?” I try not to cry and I try not to think but these women in here push me to the brink. They tell you you’re funny and tell you you’re great but really inside they just want to hate. I’ve never been through this type of situation before. It makes me want to scream and run to the door. I hate it in here I tell myself daily but on the outside I joke about it playfully. In reality I’m sad. I’m tired and depressed. When anyone asks, I say just a little stressed. When they ask why, I make up a lie. I say something like I didn’t sleep well last night. I try my hardest to be a good friend, to be a team player, but where does it end? I cannot keep going and pretending I’m fine when all I have in this world is such little time. This job eats away at every bit of my sanity. I know in my heart, my fate, this cannot be. I take a deep breath, and I continue to pray that God will show up and show me the way. I take heart in knowing that this isn’t my fault and I’m a good person at least that’s what I’m told. I’m screaming inside begging someone to see, but I know way deep down, the problem is me. I’m not meant for something special I just need to get by. I can’t wait for the end, please, why can’t time fly? I just want to go and be left all alone, that way it stops hurting when no one calls on the phone. I’m sorry that I’m sorry and I’m sorry that I’m sad. I tried really hard to be good and instead I’m just bad. There’s nothing good about me, even though I try. I guess I’ll just continue to sit alone and cry. I hope someday no one feels this same way. It’s the worst way to be, and it’s happening to me.