I have a ton of regrets

In my 20s, I was a rollercoaster 🎢

My highs? Great. A sweet, loving, loyal, do anything for you person. Magnetic. Intoxicating. Passionate. I drew in girlfriends WAY above my pay grade.

My lows? A storm. Testing friendships, lovers. Picking fights. If rejected? I’d rage and say terrible things. I was never physically abusive - but I was a verbal whirlwind.

There are nights, many now, at 34 I sit up feeling absurdly guilty over things I said; bridges I burned; people I will never speak to again. I don’t have that same fire anymore; and I miss so many people - living, dead, estranged.

And no matter how many meds I take, I can’t get over the grief, or the guilt, or the sense of loss, both for what I lost, who I lost, that I can’t go back and change it.