I’m engaged but still can’t stop coming back here

Starting to think I am addicted to this place. A few months ago when my fiancé who is a nurse had to switch to overnight shifts I’ve found myself bored and alone at night. I came here once when I was bored and was shocked at how much fun I had and how good it felt. So slowly and slowly I’ve been going down this rabbit hole of getting off with strangers and to these stories then feeling ashamed/guilty the deleting. But I can’t seem to stay away I know if she ever found out she would be so upset at me cause it’s basically like I’m emotionally cheating but I can’t stop. Part of me wants to keep going more and more which is crazy to say, anyone else ever been on this path?