Just tired!

I really wish I could just have the courage to get it done! I'm fucking tired of all this. Tired of just surviving and everyone thinks thats some sort of accomplishment. I'm tired of this dark hole I'm in. I keep telling family I'm not okay but no one seems to care. Everyone says they are here for me but not one cares to check in on me. Especially on days that are bad. No one understands how hard it is to reach out to someone when I'm at the end of my rope but don't have the courage to do it. I pray every day for something to happen to me to end my life. But guess God is to busy to listen to me or just wants me to continue to suffer.I'm tired of feeling like this!