My relationship has changed and I’m not sure where to go from here.

I (23F) and boyfriend (27M) have been together for three years and have known each other for four years. When we first met we weren’t official but were only seeing each other. Three months into knowing each other I got pregnant while I was on birth control, which ended with a miscarriage. Shortly after finding out I had a miscarriage, he ended things. I later found out it was because he was scared of the commitment.

Following my miscarriage, he texted me for months on end letting me know he wanted to see me, he felt bad, decided he wanted to be with me, and was sorry and sees how poorly he treated me. I decided to visit with him and try again and it was amazing. We had so much fun, I felt safe and loved and cared for.

Fast forward three years, it feels as though things changed. I find myself wishing things were still the same. I’ve had a lot of trauma and admittedly can be difficult to be with/ around. I am in therapy working on things, however am not perfect. I have a hard time communicating what I need and how I feel; however, when I let him know I am sad or cry or get frustrated, his go to is to let me know he’s “not dating a baby”, wants his “cool” “adult” girlfriend, and has outwardly admitted he does not feel bad for me.

I am not sure where to go from here. I love him so much and want this to work; however, I wish things were different. I just want to feel loved, cared for, safe, and beautiful again. What can I do to make things better? How do I communicate to him what I need. Everytime I try to talk to him, he says that I just point out everything he does wrong and make him feel like a shitty boyfriend. I try my best not to and have been working in therapy to tell him how I am feeling without pointing the finger. I have suggested that he come to one of my therapy sessions with me, so my therapist can help me explain how I am feeling; however, he said he doesn’t want to go and doesn’t have time/ doesn’t need therapy. I am stuck. I want things to progress further and for us to be happy again.

Has anyone ever worked through this situation before? Any help would be very appreciated.