Moving on from a childhood love.

I'm 27M. I loved a girl when I was 11. Then she moved to a different city. That move was so abrupt and unexpected that the shocking news has been more painful than missing her. She's an introvert and I was the only guy friend she had. We studied together from kindergarten to 5th grade. Every year I enjoy spending time with her, then miss her in summer vacation and wait for the vacation to end so that I can meet her. But this time it was different. After summer vacation I went to school with excitement and BOOM!! she's not there. She's will never be there ever again. I struggled for 3 years but eventually moved on. But after 4 years of seperation we met in a 3-day school science fair. I was so nervous and excited I couldn't even say hi. But eventually she came and talked. Just because she came and said hi, my hopes skyrocketed. In our culture girl coming to a boy and initiating a conversation, that too being an introvert is really a big thing. (I know she casually talked as a friend, but goodluck telling that to a boy in love).

After her, I've had multiple other crushes, one relationship but deep down she's still inside me. But it was not very painful though, just a memory. For last 15 years, I dreamt a lot about her only to wake up realise it's not real. I can't even explain that pain in words.

So one morning after one such intense dream, I searched and connected to her online and we talked for a few months. When I confessed my feelings she rejected but she said we can be friends and meet. But eventually she didn't even want to meet me. She stopped replying to my texts. She unfollowed me on instagram. I don't even know why. After the rejection I only said hi twice, first to meet her as we agreed before and second she didn't even responded. Now she's getting married.

I thought I moved on long back but it's very painful to see her ending things with me like this and getting married. That sudden seperation 16 years ago without saying good bye is still an open wound in my heart. I thought I will get a closure if we met, but that never happened.

I don't care about her anymore. Only thing I want is to move on. But I'm really concerned if I ever move on. What if I keep thinking about her after I get a partner and get married. How will that effect my relationship and quality of life.