Just realized that DB is just a symptom of deeper issues in our marriage.

Here’s the backstory:

We got married in our early 20s. We were already planning on it, but the process for my permanent residency sped things up. In the first year of marriage, I was still living with my friends and would go home on weekends. Then COVID happened, and I moved in with him and my mother-in-law. At the time, it felt like the best option—I wouldn’t be paying rent, and it made sense financially. During COVID, he worked from home and focused on his music business, which eventually slowed down.

At first, living together was fine. We were still intimate. But after 3–4 years, I started feeling self-conscious knowing his mom was just in the next room. The idea of moving out had always been on the table, but our circumstances made it hard, so I just accepted it.

Now, after almost 5 years of living together, I’ve realized I’ve taken on all the house chores(laundry, cleaning, cooking). At first, I didn’t mind. But over time, I got tired. I wanted someone to take care of me too, to do things without being asked. I’m the eldest of four girls, and my love language is acts of service—both giving and receiving. But with him, I always have to ask.

Another thing that’s chipped away at my attraction is how comfortable he’s gotten with me, farting, pooing, thinking it’s funny. I know it sounds petty, but it genuinely grosses me out. I think he’s a HLM and still initiates sex sometimes, but I’m just not in the mood. Between all the things I’ve mentioned, work stress, and starting a business, I haven’t felt into it.

I started wondering if I have LL. I’ve voiced concerns about our lack of intimacy, and he usually reassures me, saying me not really wanting it is it’s because we’re just busy and focused on our careers.

But recently, I’ve felt so alone. I stumbled upon a subreddit about online affairs. I wasn’t looking for anything, but I posted and got messages. Then I met someone. I know it’s not right, and I’m still talking to him. Nothing physical has happened, he lives abroad—but he makes me feel wanted. I have sensual feelings again, which I thought were gone. I didn’t know I still can feel excited for someone and feel these type of feelings again. I know separation or divorce is on the table. But it’s hard to think about throwing away everything we’ve built. It just sucks.

Any thoughts or advice?