every day is the same

every damn day is the same and has been since i was a child. i cant take it anymore. it feels like the more time passes, somehow the worse it gets. i dont want to get out of bed anymore, i wake up and dread having to let time pass until i get to knock myself out again, i have no energy to try anything, and sometimes when i do get the boost and i go back to school or try again, it never pans out. im so fucking tired of living at home with my shit family where we all hate each other and are all miserable and the atmosphere is terrible or with the yelling and i cant get and keep a job and ill never move out. im way too fucking old to be living with my parents yet here i am still to this day when i told myself id move out a decade ago. nothing fucking matters and im tired of people telling me empty platitudes like "itll get better soon". i dont want to do any of this anymore