Transition

Im an idiot. About 10 years ago, I was 16, I started to have gender dysphoria. I wanted to transition to a girl but my therapist kinda talked me out of it and the process was complicated back then. The feelings went away and I thought I was fine Recently these feelings came back full force and hit me like a truck... I dont know how much longer I can go on, I can never be how I want to be and I hate myself for it My life seems to be fucked up from the start, I just want the pain to finally end.... Ill propably end it soon but im scared. I need help desperatly