2 Days

It's now officially been 2 days.

God, that seems pathetic. 2 days. But it's the longest we've gone not talking in about 18 months.

I feel so many different feelings right now. I tried to walk away months ago, i'd reached my limit, but you kept dragging me back, giving me ultimatums, making me try again, forcing me to drive an hour and a half to come and see you.

I'm far from perfect. I know i've made some shitty mistakes but I am so upset right now. Why is it, that when YOU decided enough is enough, YOU can walk away, but when I tried to you, pulled me back, with threats and guilt trips. Honestly, it is so fucking unfair.

We would have never worked anyway. Too much had happened, but FUCK IT I MISS YOU SO MUCh. More than words can say, more than my friends will ever understand, more than i can put in to words, more than i can explain to my therapist.

We never got the closure you were begging for. You just walked away and told me not to contact you anymore. It's only now sinking in, the gravity of never talking to you. The pain, the memories. Not being able to properly say goodbye.

I'm sorry for all the mistakes I made, the things I said in anger, my anxiety, everything. I'm sorry.

In another life, we would have been perfect, but in this life, we just couldn't make it work and I am forever sorry for my part in that.

I hope you're thinking of me. The stupid part is, if you text me right now, i'd respond instantly. I can't imagine a time where I wouldn't. But i'm going to hold strong not text you, regardless of how much this hurts.

I hope one day I can post in this sub and say i'm healing, but right now, I am in FUCKING PAIN and I want it to stop.