I (19F) want to break up with my boyfriend (22M) after my brother passed away and I feel horrible

Hey everyone,

I need some advice. My boyfriend (22M) and I (19F) have been together for 6 months. I know that’s not a long time, but I’m new to relationships and honestly don’t know how to handle this.

We met through mutual friends who were dating at the time (they’ve since broken up). For the first 4 months, everything was really good. We were both in uni, I had just started a new job that I loved, and we spent almost every day together. Things felt easy and happy.

Two weeks ago, my brother (23) passed away suddenly in an accident. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. But instead of being a source of support, my boyfriend has honestly become the biggest emotional burden in my life.

He keeps making my brother’s death about him — saying things like how much it’s affected him and that he needs to see a psychologist. He met my brother maybe three times. Every time I’m not being super affectionate, he asks things like “do you still love me?” or “are we okay?” It’s exhausting.

I know grief can make people act differently, but I just feel this growing resentment toward him. I’m completely unattracted to him now. I find it hard to look him in the eye, let alone be affectionate. My friends keep saying he’s “doing a great job” supporting me, but honestly? He’s not. He hasn’t done a single thing to actually help. He’ll wash his own dinner plate and think that’s helpful.

I feel horrible for even thinking about breaking up with him right now, but I genuinely don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. I don’t even know how to go about it — I feel guilty, like it’s the worst possible timing. But I also can’t pretend I’m okay when I’m not.

How do I end things in a way that’s kind but firm, especially given what’s just happened? I don’t want to hurt him more, but I also can’t keep carrying the weight of his feelings on top of my own grief.