Tired of living in this body

I’m autistic and have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Dysautonomia, CPTSD, and other issues I’ve not had diagnosed because I lost my insurance years ago. I’m a waitress and it gets harder and harder now I’m in my late 30s to keep going. I can’t find another line of work, we are always so broke, I need dental work done but we can’t afford it and it’s so painful. Now I’m in perimenopause and my body feels like a battle ground. I’ve dealt with these issue all my life but only got actual diagnoses in the last 10 years. I’m so tired, I’m in so much pain, I’m so uncomfortable, I can’t sleep. I just want to be done. If I didn’t have a husband and two kids I’d have been gone. But now I feel like even more of a burden. Like maybe after a year or two they’d realize life is easier without me. Even if it’s not…..I’m tired of only living for others. I don’t wanna do this another 40+ years. I ask the universe to take me out everyday so it won’t be my fault. I just wish I’d have a heart attack or aneurysm. I just want my particles to drift into the universe and mingle with the all. I just want to rest. I wish euthanasia was allowed for people.